Parenting Advice – Children With ADD or ADHD
Simple Instructions, Calm Surroundings Help Children Focus & Succeed
Nov 15, 2009
As any parent who has been there can attest to, guiding and disciplining a child with attention deficit disorder (ADD) or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can be challenging, to say the least. Some modifications to the family's daily routine, together with a calm environment and simple, specific expectations for the child, will enhance his opportunity for day-to-day success.
Organize the Home Schedule
Children need a predictable routine, one they can expect and understand. Eating at the same time each day and going to bed at about the same time each night are two very basic examples of structuring the home routine.
Explain any changes to the routine in advance, so the child knows what to expect. Late mealtimes can be a problem, so if it becomes necessary to delay a meal, be sure the child has a healthy snack so she doesn't become extremely hungry or overly tired.
Create and Communicate House Rules
Make all family rules simple, clear and short. Explain what will happen when rules are obeyed, and what will happen if they are broken.
Consequences for breaking the rules should be age-appropriate, fair, quick and consistent. For example, the consequence for misbehavior could be a 10-minute timeout or calming-down time, taking place immediately following the undesired behavior.
The child will test the rules, seeing how far they can be pushed. However, when parents and guardians are firm and consistent, with the rules being enforced each and every time, the child will eventually learn to follow them.
Make Sure All Directions are Understood
Before giving a direction to a child with ADD or ADHD, get down on his level and make eye contact. Ensure that the child stops what he is doing in order to listen. Tell the child what he needs to do in concise, clear statements with a calm voice.
Directions should have just one step at a time, and should use ten words or less. "Please put your shoes in the closet" will be understood by the child and will not overwhelm him. "Please put your shoes in the closet and then go upstairs and brush your teeth and get ready for a bath" will overwhelm and confuse him; it's like setting him up for failure.
Transitions are Hard for Young Children With ADD or ADHD
Give the child a verbal head's up that a transition is coming. "We're going to be leaving in five minutes" or "You can watch TV until the next commercial, and then it's dinner time" are examples of simple and effective transition warnings.
Stay calm, repeat the rule and remind the child of the consequence if he doesn't follow the direction regarding the transition.
Reward the Child for Desired Behaviors
Children thrive on positive reinforcement, particularly children with ADD and ADHD. When they behave in a desirable way – following directions, being kind to others, or cleaning up after themselves, for example – they should get plenty of praise, kind words, hugs and smiles.
As much as possible, use activities, privileges praise and affection as a reward, rather than food or toys. Indulging a child with too much "stuff," or with unhealthy or excessive food, gets him into the habit of expecting external rewards and can create a spoiled child. Praise, affection and enhanced privileges gives a child a sense of intrinsic reward, which involves self-motivation and pride for a job well done.
Whenever possible, the reward should be immediate. When a child behaves well, the hug or praise should follow on the heels of the good behavior, so the child can make the connection that her good behavior earned the reward. "I'll read you a book at bedtime if you're ready for school on time today" will have little effect because the reward (reading the book) is too far in the future for the child.
Be Conscientious About the Child's Food
Children – especially those with ADD or ADHD – need healthy meals and snacks. Candy, sodas, cookies, cakes, fruit rollups, juice, ice cream, toaster pastries, and granola bars are all high-sugar, high-carbohydrate foods that can escalate hyperactive behaviors in some children.
Some parents notice that their child's ability to focus and sit still lessens when she ingests food colored with dyes. Sadly, food dyes are in almost everything, from antibiotic syrups to crackers to packaged macaroni and cheese. Parents need to read labels and minimize their child's intake of food dyes.
Make Sure Children With ADD or ADHD Get Adequate Exercise
Exercise raises the "feel good" chemicals in the body – dopamine and endorphins – and helps children concentrate. Hikes, bike rides, walks with the dog, jumping rope and swimming are all examples of healthy and free exercise that the whole family can participate in together.
Watch for Over-Stimulation
Too much noise, hustle and bustle, loud voices, many people talking at once, crowds, TV, video games and clutter in the home can cause a child to feel overwhelmed and get wound up. Be sensitive to the child's environment; keep things as simple and serene as possible. Remember all of the senses – sight, smell, hearing, touch and taste – and keep stimulation of them to a minimum.
Communicate With the Child
Be a good role model for healthy communication. Parents should tell the child how they feel when he misbehaves, using "When-you, I-feel" statements." For example, "When you don't put away your bike, I feel angry," or "I feel scared when you run out into the street." Encourage the child to do the same.
When children feel welcome to express their feelings in an appropriate way, they are frustrated less frequently and are less prone to outbursts. They also learn valuable social skills that will help them grow into happy, well-adjusted adults.
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